October marks National Bully Prevention Month.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I do believe “bullies” exist and they need to be stopped. But after several years at different schools with week long “Anti-Bullying” assemblies and activities, I’ve come to find it more hurtful than helpful.
The dictionary defines a bully as “one who is habitually cruel to others who are weaker”. Yes, I see this all the time at school sadly. We try our best to help those youngsters with their emotional needs and encourage them to do the right thing. But “Anti-Bullying Week” doesn’t always help.
“Anti-Bullying Week” tends to open up discussions on ways people bully. I think it is important to recognize if you are being bullied, but sometimes it gives students ideas on how to be a bully. They know it’s wrong, but now they have a plethora of examples of how to hurt others.
It also gives parents and students a very new vocabulary word, “bully“. And when something is new, people LOVE to use it over and over and over. I can’t tell you how many parents, during and after “Anti-Bullying Week” are speaking to me, calling the office, or talking to our principal about how their child is being bullied and so-n-so is a bully {we as a school and I as a teacher do take these threats very seriously, but it gives parents ammunition when they are calling to discuss an issue}. Sometimes, kids aren’t being bullied, sometimes kids aren’t bullies, sometimes they are just 5 year olds who don’t know how to interact with others or don’t know how to cope when they are emotional.
I write all this not to disrespect anyone who has been bullied, I have known some people who have come out of very serious bullying situations {even as an adult}. We do need to recognize and take action when these situations are brought to our attention. But I write this as a different perspective. Do we want to focus on the negatives of the world, giving parents more ammunition to label our students, not giving them a chance to grow and mature and try? Or do we want to give students ample examples of what humans should be like when interacting with others?
I can’t say all this with no alternative to the issue 😉
I am ALL FOR “Kindness Week”! A time where we don’t focus on the negatives of “what is a bully”, but the positives of how kindness can change the hardest of hearts and spread love. Sadly, most students in our classrooms don’t know what kindness looks like and sounds like. We are the best example of someone loving and kind. Loving doesn’t always look kind, but it’s constant.
I know one SIMPLE thing I do in my classroom EVERY morning is pull a task from the Kindness Jar {check it out in more detail HERE}. We take a minute to pick a card with a kindness task. We set it as our goal for the day {examples: Pick up a piece of trash today. Push in someone’s chair. Give someone a compliment.}. The next day, we reflect: did we do the task? How did it make us feel? etc. Then we pull one for that day. Simple and easy.
Here are two awesome programs I came across:
Let’s change the culture of our school from focused on the “don’t do’s” to focusing on the “do’s”.
Who’s with me?
Candice Krogh says
I agree 110%, especially with 5/6 year olds. They think because Suzie won't play with them today, that she is a bully. I talk about how I don't see Mrs. M everyday but we are still friends. I love the Kindness idea. Now to incorporate it better.
Betty Albert says
I agree! It seems to give my middle school kids lots of negative ideas on top of everything else!
Sarah Weck says
I love your idea about using a kindness jar daily! I think it's a great way to start the day, and if we don't teach them how to be kind, then who will? Thanks for sharing!
Shine on in First Grade
Emily says
I thought I was the only one who felt this way!! We don't teach kids how NOT to act in the classroom the first few weeks of school, we teach how they SHOULD act in the classroom – why should teaching how to treat others be any different? We'll definitely be starting a Kindness Jar in my classroom ASAP! 🙂
Emily
Munchkins Inc.
Renee Cornelius says
We talk about being bucket fillers. I want my students practicing kindness everyday too.
Lauren Shirk says
Yes, yes, yes!!! I 100% agree!!
Primary Teachspiration says
Great article, and I totally agree! It's always better to focus on the positives.
Just Like Van Dyk says
Great job, friend!!
Shauna Hirota says
I also agree! I teach peer education at my middle school which teaches health concepts but focuses on advocacy. I've been trying to come up the anti negatives to teach. I feel teaching about bullying empowers bullies. Instead I wanted to focus on self-worth. Kindness is also a good one.
Jamie Knefely says
I agree too!!! At least once a week, I am having to explain what bullying really means. We have over stressed it so much! I have had parents who will tell me their child is being bullied because another child stuck their tongue out at them – ONE time. I am always thinking seriously. It couldn't just be seven year olds being seven year olds, could it? I love the idea of focusing on the do's rather than the don'ts. Thanks for sharing!
Jamie
Teaching Tidbits and More with Jamie
Theresa Copeland says
Love this! Just like we model good spelling, math strategies, writing, and so on…we use mentor texts to see what expert writers do…we should model good behavior – kindness, bucket filling, behavioral problem solving…I'm so glad you shared your thoughts! I couldn't agree more!
Theresa
True Life I’m a Teacher
Teaching in the Tongass says
Yes!!! This post hit the nail on the head! Thank you for sharing what lots of us are feeling!!
Erica says
It makes me sad that some 7-year-olds have been labeled as bullies, when really they just have poor social skills, or haven't learned how to control their reactions to emotional events. I completely agree that we should be modeling what we want and expect…in the most positive way possible.
One Lucky Teacher
Heather aka HoJo says
I totally agree with your statements! I have seen students who were normally sweet start acting out and trying to be a “bully” once they’ve learned some good examples after an anti-bullying program. It’s like they think they’ll get more attention. And yes, sometimes students are just mean – but I think it’s because they don’t know any better or they had a momentary lap of judgment. One mean incident does NOT make a bully. The definition flat out says it is repetitious, cruel behavior. But I do love your ideas for a kindness week! Thank you for your post! I am sharing it across my networks!
R. Pickering says
I applaud these organizations that have shined a spotlight on the epidemic of bullying. I also think its sad that we have to have a national anti-bullying week. We should be teaching our children to be kind and think about how they would feel if they were picked on. When I was a kid and I was bullied, my mother would sit me down and tell me to just ignore it. She used the sticks and stones philosophy on me. I learned to not re-act to being taunted and teased. Sure, for a while my tormenters would try harder and harder to get a re-action out of me but I stood my ground and continued to pretend I didn’t care and ignored them. They got tired of it when they realized they couldn’t get a rise out of me and stopped.